just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
