i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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