so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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