margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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