I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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