first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
