You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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