so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
