John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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