after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
