but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
