Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
