I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
