dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if only i could text you this smell
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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