it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
