I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
