Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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