you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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