Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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