You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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