He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
