I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
