Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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