He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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