My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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