btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
