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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
