i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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