6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
