Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
