careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
