I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
