Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
