I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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