i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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