I want to have your abortion
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
