she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
