I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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