I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
