that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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