the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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