I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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