There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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