Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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