I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
