my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
