Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
