Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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