at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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