Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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