fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
