Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
