Moan for me like Helen Keller
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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