I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
