pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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