I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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