..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
