omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
