Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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