My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
