I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am available for nakedness
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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