I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
