distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
