All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
