i need an iv and a liver transplant
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
