he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
