why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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