I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
