First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
